


Synergistic Determinants

by idiotbrothers



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chatlogs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Insecurity, M/M, Personal Growth, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22065406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idiotbrothers/pseuds/idiotbrothers
Summary: Select conversations excerpted from Pied Piper's Slack workspace.
Relationships: Dinesh Chugtai/Bertram Gilfoyle
Comments: 29
Kudos: 131





	Synergistic Determinants

**Author's Note:**

> Edit 1/3/20: Fixed a couple of slight formatting issues and one typo.  
> Edit 1/4/20: Fixed some timestamps.

**Dinesh C., Gilfoyle  
** ****

**  
Dinesh C.** 9:55 AM 

Espresso machine’s still broken so I got you a coffee from Philz, you’re welcome 

I left it on your desk  
  


**Dinesh C.** 9:56 AM 

Where are you btw?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:18 AM 

was meeting with dick.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:19 AM 

So early? What were you meeting about? Also I gave your coffee to Becky  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:25 AM 

none of your fucking business.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:25 AM 

I can always just ping Richard about it later  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:26 AM 

it’s above your pay grade.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:26 AM 

We’re in the same pay grade, no matter how much you’d like to forget it  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:00 AM 

Wait...Did you mute me?  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:05 AM 

Fine, be like that.   
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:03 PM 

Hey, what’s this deck you just emailed me?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:05 PM 

from my 1:1 with richard today. 

special project. 

only sharing the proposal with you to get a layman’s perspective, since it’s obviously too complex for your flaccid brain to otherwise contribute to.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:06 PM 

Did you format this yourself? These are the ugliest fucking slides I’ve ever seen. 

You know, if you weren’t such an iconoclastic dildo, you could have assigned the deck creation to someone who’s actually paid to do that shit. 

And while I’m at it, you’d be better off taking on a direct report to fully own the process you outlined on slide 18

I’d even let you borrow one of mine  
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:14 PM 

You muted me again didn’t you 

**Jared Dunn, Richard Hendricks, Monica Hall, Dinesh C. **   
**   
  
**

**Jared Dunn** 7:00 AM 

Good morning, all! I thought it prudent to let you know that it’s Gilfoyle’s birthday in two weeks.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:01 AM 

I know. Please don’t tell me you’re planning something @Jared Dunn  
  


**Jared Dunn** 7:02 AM

Shouldn’t we? Dinesh, I was actually hoping you could volunteer some ideas. I think we’ve all known each other for long enough now that birthday celebrations should be an inalienable indulgence.  
  


**Monica Hall** 7:10 AM 

why the fuck are you guys on slack this early in the morning  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:10 AM 

Sorry Monica  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 7:12 AM 

pretty sure @Dinesh has “gilfoyle’’ as one of his notification keywords, among other iterations of his name. explains the significant difference in his average response time btwn when gilf is mentioned and when he isn’t  
  


**Monica Hall** 7:13 AM 

lmao  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:14 AM 

What the actual fuck, Richard  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 7:14 AM 

just letting the rest of you know: that’s the secret to getting a quick response out of him over slack  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 7:15 AM 

and I have a call in 15 but sure yeah, count me in for whatever you’re planning @Jared Dunn  
  


**Jared Dunn** 7:15 AM 

Wonderful! Thank you, Richard.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:16 AM 

Fuck all of you  
  


**Jared Dunn** 7:17 AM 

Now Dinesh, there’s no need for defensiveness with us. It’s only natural to want to keep tabs on your best friend.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:18 AM 

Speaking of tabs, maybe I’ll tell my team we’re switching our formatting standard to spaces @richardh  
  


**Monica Hall** 7:19 AM 

not this again  
  


**Jared Dunn** 7:19 AM 

Dinesh! Such incendiary remarks are uncalled for.  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 7:20 AM 

for your sake dinesh, I’m going to pretend I didnt see that

plus I’m not rly in the mood to eviscerate you rn  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:21 AM 

🙄

@Jared Dunn He’s not my best friend, eat a dick  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:23 AM 

Also, you guys know he hates shit like this. Are you asking me for my opinion because you want to intentionally piss him off? _That_ would actually make sense.  
  


**Jared Dunn** 7:24 AM 

No, I’m asking your opinion because I’m genuinely unsure what he would appreciate as a gift.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:24 AM

Nothing. That’s my point. He’s a contrarian piece of shit who rejects “nauseating displays of capitalistic intemperance”. 

His words, obviously. 

You guys really shouldn’t need me to tell you that  
  


**Jared Dunn** 7:26 AM 

@Dinesh And you know as well as we do that deep down, he’s as sensitive as anyone else. More, in fact.  
  


**Monica Hall** 7:30 AM 

I agree with jared; he’d get all pissy if dinesh didn’t acknowledge his bday somehow  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:31 AM 

Why just me?  
  


**Monica Hall** 7:31 AM 

oh don’t play dumb, dude  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:32 AM 

?????? I’m not?? @monicahall he likes you 20x more than me!  
  


**Monica Hall** 7:33 AM

3 words: apples and oranges.  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 7:35 AM 

u better come up w something good dinesh. this is the first year we can afford to go all out  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:36 AM 

aren’t you supposed to be on a call right now?  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 7:36 

yep, EMEA R&D strategy. right before this i spent an uncomfortable hour on the phone w/ steve from theebly 

so I’m zoning out tbh  
  


**Jared Dunn** 7:37 AM

Would you like me to bring you a coffee, Richard? I can swing by your office after your meeting.  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 7:38 AM 

holden can do that  
  


**Jared Dunn** 7:38 AM 

It’s no trouble. I was hoping for a word with you, as well.  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 7:39 AM 

👍  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:40 AM 

Can I get through the rest of my commute in peace, please?  
  


**Monica Hall** 7:45 AM 

+1  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:46 AM 

I need to mentally prep myself for Gilfoyle’s inevitable taunts about my Tesla getting impounded  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 7:46 AM 

i have several questions  
  


**Monica Hall** 7:47 AM 

shhhh enough  
  


**Slackbot** 7:49 AM 

_@monicahall converted a group DM between @monicahall, @Jared Dunn, @richardh, and @Dinesh into the private channel dc-bf-gifts.  
  
_

**Dinesh C.** 7:49 AM 

Why.  
  


**Monica Hall** 7:50 AM 

just thinking ahead 😉  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:50 AM 

Well, thanks! Now I can do this  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:51 AM 

_left dc-bf-gifts._   
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:52 AM 

_joined dc-bf-gifts from an invitation by Monica Hall._   
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:53 AM 

_left dc-bf-gifts._   
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:56 AM 

_joined dc-bf-gifts from an invitation by Richard Hendricks._  


**Dinesh C.** 7:56 AM 

STOP  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:57 AM 

_left dc-bf-gifts._   
  


**Dinesh C.** 8:01 AM 

_joined dc-bf-gifts from an invitation by Jared Dunn._   
  


**Dinesh C.** 8:02 AM 

goddammit Jared don’t encourage them!!!!  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 8:02 AM 

:’)  
  


**Jared Dunn** 8:03 AM 

Sorry, Dinesh... I couldn’t resist.  
  


**Monica Hall** 8:04 AM 

k this was fun but I have to focus now, bye nerds 

let’s regroup re: gilf gifts asap  
  


**Jared Dunn** 8:05 AM 

Aligned. Do your homework, Dinesh!  
  


**Dinesh C.** 8:05 AM 

🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽

🔒 **dev-standup**

★ | 👥 27 | 📌 16 | Quick team huddles  
 **  
  
**

**Dinesh C.** 7:33 PM 

so @danny can you liaise w/ UX and QA and be very clear about timing? 

If we have to push out the code freeze to make this work then that’s what we’re doing  
  


**Priyanka Singh** 7:35 PM 

didn’t marketing just issue a big press release about the rollout though? 

Richard won’t be happy if we move the delivery date again   
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:35 PM

Don’t worry about that; successful execution is always the priority.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:36 PM

And anyway, it’d be hypocritical for Richard to get upset now, since our budding corporate culture is all about Gilfoyle  
  


**Priyanka Singh** 7:36 PM

uh  
  


**Danny** 7:36 PM

🤔  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:36 PM

*GIVE-AND-TAKE 

I meant give-and-take  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:37 PM

fucking autocorrect!!!  
  


**Becky** 7:37 PM

wowwwwww  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:38 PM

quiet or you’re fired  
  


**Becky** 7:38 PM

^ adding that one to my screenshot collection for HR  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:39 PM

Jesus Christ  
  


**Becky** 7:40 PM

we have fun here 😇  
  


**Danny** 7:40 PM

lol... priceless 

but heads down now guys, we have shitloads of work left to do   
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:41 PM

I’ll be back in office in a few mins; can help with anything/everything 

and dinner’s on me tonight FWIW  
  


**Priyanka Singh** 7:42 PM

Gilfoyle’s here too - he asked me to tell you that you’re a “worthless delegator” 

(i mostly disagree btw!)  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:43 PM

Tell him I don’t take people management tips from pigheaded sociopaths with no interpersonal skills  
  


**Priyanka Singh** 7:43 PM

tell him yourself, I’m working 

no offense  
  


**Dinesh C.** 7:44 PM

Fuck that guy  
  


**Danny** 7:44 PM

we know, we know 

** Dinesh C., Gilfoyle   
** ****

**  
Dinesh C.** 10:40 PM 

Hi  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:00 PM 

what do you want. I’m busy.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:00 PM 

Busy? 

We’re not supposed to be working right now 

That’s kind of the whole deal with these fucked-up company retreats  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:01 PM 

busy drinking through a case of the piss-flavored backwash that passes for beer around here.  
  


**Dinesh** 11:02 PM 

I knew it, you’re as miserable as I am  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:02 PM 

i said no such thing. 

don’t project your myriad of social inadequacies onto me.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:03 PM 

Are you back at the hotel? Can I join you?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:03 PM 

leave me the fuck alone, dinesh.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:04 PM 

ok. sorry  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:11 PM 

fine, you’re pitiful enough that I’ll allow it. just this once.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:12 PM 

I’m in the elevator - what floor’s your room on again?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:12 PM 

you don’t need to pretend you don’t have my room number memorized.   
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:13 PM 

I DON’T, you prick 

Do you really think I’m that fucking obsessed with you?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:13 PM 

i’m in 419.

and i don’t _think_ you’re obsessed with me, i _know_ you are.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:14 PM 

I changed my mind, I’d rather have no company than your company. 

I’m just gonna sign off for the night 

Bye  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:17 PM 

don’t do that.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:17 PM 

Don’t do what?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:17 PM 

put up that fucking facade. just get over here. 

i’ve been itching to lambast tracy’s bullshit “team building” activities all week.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:18 PM 

Dude, I’m not the only one putting up a facade. You’ve been ignoring me since we walked off the plane  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:20 PM 

people say shit about us, you know. it rankles.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:20 PM 

I don’t give a fuck 

and neither should you  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:21 PM 

Of the two of us I wouldn’t have thought you’d have the thinner skin  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:22 PM 

can you just come up already.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:22 PM 

Are you drunk?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:23 PM 

yeah.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:24 PM 

I’m coming, I’m coming. Don’t cry about it.

And stop drinking!  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:24 PM 

you’re so fucking annoying.  
  


**Dinesh** 11:25 PM 

You couldn’t live without me 

** Richard Hendricks, Jared Dunn, Monica Hall  
** **  
  
**

**Richard Hendricks** 9:20 AM 

guys is it just me or are dinesh and gilfoyle.......  
  


**Monica Hall** 9:20 AM 

right??? I think it finally happened  
  


**Jared Dunn** 9:21 AM 

Oh my gosh, it just clicked for me.  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 9:22 AM 

holy shit. should we say something?  
  


**Jared Dunn** 9:22 AM 

We might ruin it if we do.  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 9:23 AM 

fuck, ur right  
  


**Monica Hall** 9:24 AM 

taking bets on how long they’ll manage to hide it from HR

** #vg  
**

☆ | 👥 16 | 📌 2 | vidya.  


**  
Dinesh C.** 3:33 PM

_joined #vg from an invitation by Gilfoyle._   
  


**Gilfoyle** 3:34 PM 

@Dinesh CS:GO tournament at carla’s place next weekend. 

in or out?  
  


**Dinesh C.** 3:36 PM 

Whoa, you guys still talk to Carla?  
  


**Matt Garcia** 3:36 PM 

She’s got the best gaming setup of all of us tbh  
  


**Jennae P.** 3:37 PM

It’s true!!  
  


**Dinesh C.** 3:37 PM 

@gilfoyle Are you going?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 3:38 PM 

ofc i am. why else would i bother to invite you.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 3:38 PM 

Ok, count me in  
  


**Danny** 3:39 PM 

that was adorable @gilfoyle @Dinesh

the picture of marital harmony 🤪  
  


**Gilfoyle** 3:40 PM

fuck off @danny  
  


**Dinesh C.** 3:40 PM 

Fuck off @danny!!!  
  


**Danny** 3:41 PM 

👯  
  


**Sandeep** 3:42 PM

│ **i feel god in this chilis tonight**

│ Posted using /giphy (860 KB) ▶  
  


**Jennae P.** 3:42 PM 

│ **kissy face**

│ Posted using /giphy (1 MB) ▶  
  


**Jake Anderson** 3:43 PM 

│ **uwu**

│ Posted using /giphy (433 KB) ▶  
  


**Matt Garcia** 3:44 PM 

│ **mawwiage**

│ Posted using /giphy (2 MB) ▶  
  


**Amira Khaled** 3:45 PM 

│ **just guys being dudes**

│ Posted using /giphy (900 KB) ▶  
  


**Gilfoyle** 3:45 PM 

every single one of you can suck my asshole.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 3:46 PM 

Same!! 

** Dinesh C., Gilfoyle   
** **  
  
**

**Gilfoyle** 8:05 PM

did dick tell you what this 9 AM meeting he threw on our calendars is about.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 8:05 PM 

I was just gonna ask you that  
  


**Gilfoyle** 8:06 PM 

doesn’t bode well.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 8:07 PM 

Maybe he’s finally decided to fire you, and he needs me to absorb your responsibilities  
  


**Dinesh C.** 8:15 PM 

Sorry, that wasn’t funny.  
  


**Gilfoyle** 8:15 PM 

whatever. im reverting a commit rn so we can talk later.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 8:16 PM 

Hey, no matter what happens  
  


**Gilfoyle** 8:16 PM 

what.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 8:17 PM 

I’ve got your back, ok

Always.  
  


**Gilfoyle** 8:19 PM 

you don’t need to get all squishy over it.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 8:20 PM 

And _you_ have nothing to worry about. You’re the best coder in the Valley. 

Richard would be a fucking moron to let you go  
  


**Gilfoyle** 8:21 PM 

that is grossly hyperbolic.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 8:21 PM 

Nope, I genuinely believe it.  
  


**Gilfoyle** 8:22 PM 

do you want to grab dinner with me in 20.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 8:22 PM 

Fuck yeah I do  
  


**Gilfoyle** 8:23 PM

cool. 

**#global-announcements **

★ | 👥 199 | 📌 7 | ✏️ Add a topic  
 **  
  
**

**Richard Hendricks** 11:01 AM 

Hi @channel \- big update: 

As of today, @Dinesh has been promoted from VP of Engineering to CTO. He will continue to strategically oversee Infrastructure, Services, and Apps, as he has been doing with great success this past year. He will now also take on the oversight of Piper Labs, as well as Architecture. @gilfoyle, formerly VP of Architecture, will be transitioning to a broader role as VP of Engineering and will be henceforth reporting to Dinesh. We’ll be sitting down with all impacted teams later today to explain how this will affect your day-to-day and answer any related questions you may have. Overall, these changes will facilitate improved cohesion and collaboration within the engineering department, on top of affording me some breathing room as CEO... meaning it will be that much easier for me to help you all pave our path to ubiquity. Please join me in congratulating Dinesh and Gilfoyle on their new roles within Pied Piper! 👏 **  
****  
****Thread** **  
**#global-announcements

32 replies 

**  
****Jared Dunn** 11:02 AM 

🤩🙌🎉🎉🎉🎉👏😊  
  


**Holden** 11:02 AM 

FUCK. YES.  
  


**Slackbot** 11:02 AM 

language!  
  


**Monica Hall** 11:05 AM 

awesome!!  
  


**Danny** 11:10 AM 

whoa 😯  
  


**Becky** 11:13 AM 

yay @Dinesh!!!!! 👏👏👏  
  


**Priyanka Singh** 11:14 AM

you’re on fire @Dinesh  


**Daniel Durst** 11:16 AM 

Huge News! Excited for You Both @Dinesh @gilfoyle  
  


**Jake Anderson** 11:16 AM 

oh hell yeah  
  


**Hussein M.** 11:19 AM 

my man!! @Dinesh  


**Caleb Reyes** 11:22 AM 

🏀 **SWISH** 🏀 @Dinesh  


**Lacey Talbot** 11:30 AM 

wait, does this mean the product team reports directly to Gilfoyle now? 😶  
  


**Eric Harris** 11:33 AM 

congrats to both @Dinesh @gilfoyle but I’m laughing my fuckin head off at your comment @lacey.talbot  
  


**Slackbot** 11:33 AM 

language!  
  


**Lacey Talbot** 11:34 AM 

🤭😅 congrats guys!!! @Dinesh @gilfoyle  


**Cliff** 11:36 AM 

!! dynamic duo !!  
  


[...]

** Richard Hendricks, Dinesh C., Gilfoyle   
** **  
  
**

**Richard Hendricks** 12:09 PM 

one thing i neglected to mention

mainly bc i didnt rly know how to bring it up  
  


**Gilfoyle** 12:11 PM 

spit it out.  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:12 PM 

alright uh. 

you guys need to officially disclose your relationship to HR  
  


**Dinesh C.** 12:12 PM 

What are you talking about  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:13 PM 

you know what I’m talking about, come on 

failing to disclose it before was nbd bc you were peers 

but there’s a clear power imbalance now.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 12:14 PM 

Shit.  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:14 PM 

bright side: you’re totally free to keep seeing each other as long as you submit a disclosure form. 

this restructure obviously wouldn’t have been approved if there was concern over ur personal relationship harming biz operations.  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:15 PM 

you’ve both proven yourselves capable, to varying degrees, of setting aside ur shit for the good of the company. 

and dinesh, your crazy growth trajectory as a people manager gives me confidence that you’ll be a fair supervisor to gilfoyle 

TL;DR i trust you guys not to fuck this up royally  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:16 PM 

but first and foremost u owe tracy that form. im gonna have holden schedule a meeting btwn the 3 of u to get that taken care of before EOW. 

are we good?  
  


**Dinesh C.** 12:18 PM 

Yes. Understood.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 12:19 PM 

But...how did you find out?  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:19 PM 

no offense to you two, but you aren’t subtle At All  
  


**Dinesh C.** 12:20 PM 

Seriously? Who else knows??  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:20 PM 

uhhhhh  
  


**Dinesh C.** 12:20 PM

Fuck, does _everyone_ know???  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:21 PM 

no no no 

just me and jared 

and monica  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:22 PM 

and most of the devs 

plus legal 

and tom from accounting  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:23 PM 

...and actually im pretty sure tracy’s had her suspicions for a while  
  


**Dinesh C.** 12:24 PM 

oh my fucking god.  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:24 PM 

look guys, just get that little form out of the way and you’re in the clear 

@gilfoyle can I get an affirmative? you’ve been ominously quiet  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:27 PM 

gilfoyle?  
  


**Dinesh C.** 12:27 PM 

He um. stormed out a couple mins ago  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 12:28 PM 

well thats just great 

** Dinesh C., Gilfoyle  **   


**  
Dinesh C.** 9:50 PM 

Are you okay?  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:12 PM 

Please answer me dude 

Your slack status is active so I know you’re seeing these  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:15 PM 

the fuck do you want me to say.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:15 PM 

That you don’t hate me, maybe. That you’re gonna DDoS our site as payback. Idk, anything.  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:16 PM 

im thinking about putting in my 2 weeks.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:17 PM 

what the fuck 

no 

why?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:18 PM 

i feel  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:19 PM 

You feel....?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:22 PM 

never mind.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:22 PM 

_Please_ talk to me  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:23 PM 

so you can finally have an excuse to gloat, like you’ve been wanting to since dick broke the news to us?  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:24 PM 

I don’t want to gloat  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:25 PM 

bullshit. i know you. 

you’re a sore winner.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:25 PM 

This wasn’t a competition  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:26 PM 

our entire fucking relationship is a competition.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:27 PM

You seemed ok with this decision when Richard sat us down to talk about it 

What changed your mind?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:28 PM 

of course i wasnt ok with it. i also wasnt going to disgrace myself by throwing a hissy fit over it.  
  


**Dinesh C**. 10:29 PM 

but you’re doing that now. 

do you really have such little faith in my leadership abilities? I know I fucked up tremendously with piperchat, but I’d like to think I’ve learned a lot since then. and I think people actually might respect me now, which I never fuckin thought would happen and like, honestly, seeing all the reactions/replies on richard’s announcement post almost made me cry.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:30 PM 

because what if I fuck this up too? I feel like I have this pathological need to ruin every good thing in my life and for maybe the first time ever, I’m legit passionate about my career and I’m terrified I’m gonna wake up one day and that awful cynical part of me will twist it all to hell and I’ll  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:32 PM 

and I’ll never be remembered as anything other than a loser fraud who had great opportunities handed to him on a silver plate and just fucking wasted them.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:35 PM 

So. I think I need to go to bed.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:36 PM 

I might be drunk. I’m gonna severely regret all of this in the morning probably  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:37 PM 

but promise me you won’t quit. please. I need you here  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:37 PM 

you don’t need me, dinesh. 

allow me to rectify a misconception I seem to have led you to: 

I don’t think you’re ill-suited for the role of CTO. I don’t doubt your managerial abilities. I sincerely believe you’ve earned this promotion.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:39 PM

really?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:39 PM 

yes.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:40 PM 

so why.  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:41 PM 

ok...im going to be uncomfortably honest with you, but if you use it against me at any point so help me satan i’ll take a meat tenderizer to your balls.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:42 PM 

i won’t. tell me what this is about  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:44 PM 

i feel disposable by comparison.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:44 PM 

Huh??????  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:45 PM 

is it so hard to believe, looking at our respective career progressions since we got funded?

you’re a motherfucking leader now. there’s whole teams of people at this company that know and trust you.  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:46 PM 

meanwhile im just that sardonic lazy douchebag who constantly shirked protocol and lived inside his own fetid comfort bubble forever.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:48 PM

I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. 

You’re shitting me, right? 

You’re playing humble to get me to say something horrifically sappy to reassure you, so you can blackmail me with it later?  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:49 PM 

I’m afraid not.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:50 PM 

that pisses me the fuck off!!  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:51 PM 

apologies if my viscerally distressing identity crisis annoys you.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:51 PM 

god shut up dude 

you’re GILFOYLE 

I’ve been in awe of you since the day I fucking met you  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:52 PM 

you’re the smartest person I’ve ever met in my life  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:52 PM 

smart isn’t everything.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:53 PM 

you’re right, it isn’t 

which is why it’s good that you’re also wicked creative + attentive + hilarious (minus the occasional cheap racist “joke”) + a calculated risk-taker  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:54 PM 

like I’m honestly shocked you ever gave me the time of day.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:55 PM 

and the value you bring to the company is fucking immeasurable, ok. 

I’d be absolutely thrilled to work with you in a more strategic capacity, if you were down for it   
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:58 PM

dont forget about my raw sexual magnetism.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:58 PM 

there he is  
  


**Dinesh C.** 10:59 PM 

cockwipe  
  


**Gilfoyle** 10:59 PM 

fuckwad  
  


**Gilfoyle** 11:05 PM

give me 40 mins, im driving over.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 11:06 PM 

jesus, FINALLY 

** Dinesh C., Gilfoyle **   


**  
Dinesh C.** 1:11 PM 

So you’re sure you wanna do this? 

The relationship disclosure thing.  
  


**Gilfoyle** 1:12 PM 

i told you, i made up my mind.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 1:12 PM 

It just feels so...formal. Like we’re putting a label on it.  
  


**Gilfoyle** 1:13 PM 

labels have their uses. 

how else would i be able to connect with likeminded pansexual sadomasochistic LaVeyan Satanists on relationship advice forums.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 1:15 PM 

I’m not touching that with a 10-foot pole 

Seriously though, last chance to back out  
  


**Gilfoyle** 1:16 PM 

you’re stuck with me now, pussy. im not going anywhere.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 1:17 PM 

🙂  
  


**Gilfoyle** 1:17 PM 

stop that. i can sense you smiling irl.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 1:18 PM 

Can’t help it, I’m happy.   
  


**Gilfoyle** 1:18 PM 

if i upchuck my cheerios all over john’s relic of a PC, im blaming you. 

🔒 **dg-anniversary5**

☆ | 👥 331 | 📌 0 | ✏️ Add a topic  


**  
Jared Hendricks** 6:00 AM 

_joined dg-anniversary5._   
  


**Jared Hendricks** 6:05 AM 

_set the channel description: Planning a resplendent fifth anniversary celebration for our two beloved CTOs._   
  


**Richard Hendricks** 6:15 AM 

_joined dg-anniversary5 from an invitation by Jared Hendricks along with @monicahall, @Holden, @gwart, @priyanka.singh, @danny, @carlaw, @john.stafford, @Tracy Robertson and 322 others._   
  


**Jared Hendricks** 6:19 AM 

Friends! At long last, the date we’ve all been anticipating with bated breath is upon us. Now that we’re gathered here together, hearts and minds eager, it’s time for us to do what we do best: innovate.  
  


**Monica Hall** 6:20 AM 

jared spare us the melodramatic monologue please 

just cut to the chase; we all got the links to your pinterest boards  
  


**Monica Hall** 6:23 AM 

noo why are you typing so much 

stop  
  


**Richard Hendricks** 6:24 AM 

let him have this @monicahall he’s been talking abt it nonstop for days

**Dinesh C., Gilfoyle  
** **  
  
  
****Dinesh C.** 2:17 PM 

I guess our 5th anniversary as a couple is coming up  
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:17 PM 

you guess?  
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:17 PM 

I overheard Jared conspiring about it with the social media interns yesterday  


**Gilfoyle** 2:18 PM 

classic.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:19 PM 

5 years huh  
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:19 PM 

hard to believe I’m not sick of you yet.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:20 PM 

You don’t need to get all squishy over it   
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:21 PM 

lol fuck you

also i got you something. i have to hop out for a lunch meeting but im leaving it on your side of the desk.  
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:23 PM 

You got me an anniversary gift??   
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:23 PM 

im giving it to you early to get ahead of whatever ostentatious clown parade Jared is orchestrating.   
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:24 PM 

That’s super sweet of you wtf   
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:24 PM 

dont make this weird.   
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:25 PM 

That ship sailed a loooong time ago

so I know we don’t say this often but   
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:26 PM

I love you   
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:33 PM 

are you trying to distract me from the fact that you clearly had no intention of getting me anything.   
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:34 PM 

Dude we never do gifts; you can’t blame me!   
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:34 PM 

I’m obviously better at this romance shit than you are.

the evidence is staggering.   
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:35 PM 

I’ll give you a bj after your meeting if you shut up about it   
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:35 PM 

maybe Nadine can pencil you in.   
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:36 PM 

Ok I know you’re joking, but reminder to PLEASE stop intimidating my assistant into organizing your schedule.   
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:36 PM 

not my fault you’re a negligent boss. 

I’m just putting her to work.   
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:37 PM 

ugh   
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:37 PM 

love you too. 

alright phone’s going away now - see u back at office in an hour.   
  


**Dinesh C.** 2:39 PM 

Yep. Good luck with your meeting, dickhead   
  


**Gilfoyle** 2:40 PM 

🖤

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! Some disclaimers, now that you've made it to the end: 
> 
> 1) My knowledge of engineering + how engineering teams operate is very bare-bones. If you are an engineer, my one brain cell apologizes to you in advance.
> 
> 2) This thing was a bitch to format, and I really wish I could have kept the formatting truer to Slack's actual UI, but AO3 made that a challenge... so I did whatever I thought would be most legible.
> 
> 3) If you notice any mistakes or hiccups at all, please feel free to call out so I can fix them & give you a better reading experience! My stuff is never beta'd because I'm livin' on the edge. 
> 
> With all that out of the way, I hope you enjoyed! I LIVE in Slack for my job so seeing the AI Gilfoyle x Dinesh Slack bit in s5 immediately made me want to write something inspired by it. This fic is obviously set in an alternate universe where Pied Piper thrived. 
> 
> If you're still reading this: I love you!


End file.
